What Next?

Suppose you want war in the Middle East. Say you're a big Risk fan and understand control of that region is key to building an empire, or you want control of the oil reserves the better to reap huge profits in the remaining decades before the supply runs out. Maybe you sincerely believe the Crusades have merely been on hold for a few centuries. Or perhaps you love democracy so much you think it should be forced on everybody.

Your reason doesn't matter, as long as you can plug all those other reasons into a lust for war. That's the key -- convincing enough of your fellow citizens that war is necessary. After all, war is traditionally a last resort kind of thing, especially when it involves invading another country. Sort of like kicking in somebody's door, you need a reason that trumps legal and moral concerns.

Self-defense is the best reason by far. Everyone understands it. All you have to do is accuse some dude of building bombs with the intent of blowing you up. The beauty of that excuse is that it's hard to disprove. How are you going to find out the truth unless you go over there and take a look? How are you going to take a look unless you kick in his door?

It helps if no one much cares for this guy anyway. Pick a bully who's done his share of door-kicking himself. Wait until some disaster happens you can blame him for, even if you offer no evidence. Guilt by association is a powerful tool.

But remember, this neighbor is only the beginning, the opening gambit that makes the end-game possible. You want his whole damn neighborhood. Look above: none of those reasons for war end with a single country, do they?

So forget about your manufactured excuse for war. So what if bombs weren't found? He intended to build them, and now others of his ilk intend to build them -- in other countries. (And below the surface, you still don't have all the oil, you still haven't saved the world from Islam, you still haven't given everyone the vote.) We must stay the course until the whole world is safe for Democracy, Big Oil and Jesus.

But hey, with no bombs found, with gas prices bloated, with Christian leaders sounding as much like heathens as real heathens, the population is now turning on you. They no longer feel threatened. Reality is settling in. They want our troops home.

So what do you do now? The first step is always the hardest, and by God and Revelations you pulled that off. Now you have your base set to expand through the neighborhood. You can't just pull out now, can you?

So whatcha gonna do?

Well, you could make things so bad at home that this empire thing goes on the back burner, out of the public eye. You could provide a few martyrs to the cause from your lower ranks to help take the heat off. You can abstract and excuse and fumble and confuse, but above all you distract.

And if that doesn't work, well, you can always ask yourself, what would Hitler do?